Obliterate Summer Whining With These Caring-But-Firm Responses!

Enjoy this professional post, with no annoying outside ads, from early childhood rocks a non-profit organization.

Nobody likes whining! Not even kids.

And the adults who are the biggest whiners hate it the most when their own kids or other adults do it. But if whining is so poorly tolerated in our society, why is it present at such epidemic proportions?

It could be that whining feeds on guilt. But that's a topic is for another day.

Today, I'm going to share with you some of the best, caring responses to offer children, instead of giving in to their whining. These suggestions are based on a 50-year career teaching and caring for young children, as well as a couple of degrees in early childhood.

Make a Joke

You're whining, and I don't serve wine to children.

Demonstrate and Deny

Say it with your bright voice like this. Can I have a cookie, Mama? I might say yes, or I might say later, but when I hear you use a whining voice, the answer is automatically no based on your tone. Once you get an automatic "no," you have to wait at least 10 minutes before asking again. (I set a timer).

Use Sign Language

Listen to their tone of voice. Also, be aware of your own. First teach them what whining sounds like at a time when they're speaking appropriately. Let them show you their best whiny voices. Then set a signal for you to give them that means, "You're whining, and I don't answer to that tone of voice." You can choose your own signal. Mine was a tug on my own ear, followed by complete silence until they caught on.

Accept All of Their Feelings, But Not All of Their Actions and/or Words

I know you want that cookie now, and the answer is no. I will set it aside for your snack later, after dinner. I'll even place a note next to it with your name on it. Whining or crying won't make me change my mind.

This shows them that you care, but you're not going to change your mind about your decision. It does, however, make sense to give them some hope for what they're asking for if it's in the realm of possibility, so use a piece of scrap paper to make a timeline of how events unfold until they can get what they're asking for.

Sometimes this may be a timeline of the day; other times, a post-it note to remind you of something later. It could also be a toy idea written on a wish list displayed on the fridge. When they whine again, just point to the note.

Bonus:

These three sentences are essential for ending whining and also let them know you care.

• I see you.

• I hear you.

• I understand you.

Say these words often and from the heart. Everyone wants to matter, be heard, and be understood. Even when they need to accept disappointment and sadness.

click to learn basic baby signs for 1.99

Signs

Sign language can help reduce whining by teaching young children to communicate positively. That's because it helps with their frustration. Good teachers and parents consider it to be the gateway to talking. Some people used to be concerned that teaching signs would hinder speech development, but science has proven the opposite to be true.

If you decide to obliterate whining in your family, I can tell you from experience that these methods, when applied consistently, work. You may need to share them with others who care for your child, too, for the best results!

Early Childhood Rocks is a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the world through early childhood education.

Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! (click on the word) She studied early childhood education at Triton College and received her BS in education from NIU in 1986. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison, WI.