Have a Great Day With a Challenging Child!! 2 Simple Steps

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At your wits' end with a child or two in your care? Please don't feel alone; that's why we're here. We hope to give you ideas that help you right away, whether you're at home or in a classroom. These particular ideas work best with children aged 12 months.-8 years, but can easily be adapted to any age, including adults.

These techniques are backed by science, research, and real experience.

An "expert" could tell you what to do or which method to try, but you're the one who really knows the child in question. That means you're the one who can help them the most.

The two-step plan outlined here may seem too simple to make a difference, but it does.

That's because it combines brain science with emotional learning. During the first few years of life, the two are intertwined completely.

Step 1

Get a pen (or marker) and paper. Make a list in large letters of the child's best traits and qualities. Do this for each of your children. Hang it where you'll see it often.

Some ideas might be:

Cheerful, active, energetic, talkative, bright, perceptive, good listener, thoughtful, caring, quiet, persistent, careful, loving, watchful, exuberant, playful, aware, helpful, good thinker, etc.

From the first time you greet this particular child in the morning, start to look for those traits and call them out.

Let them know, out loud, how those traits are helpful to you.

You picked up my pen. That was helpful, Stuart.

I love to see your smile in the morning, Octavia. It helps me feel happier.

I noticed that you brought your plate to the counter after lunch, and nothing spilled. Thanks, Mary. That was helpful.

Raj put the lid back on the playdough. That way it will stay soft. That's so helpful, Raj.

Thanks, Howie, for bringing Penny her jacket. That was helpful!

"I noticed you finished your b-fast with plenty of time today, Sheldon. That was helpful to everyone!"

• Be specific

• Use their names

• Let them know how it was helpful to you or the group. Also, remember to call out others' good traits in the group or family.

Keep it up throughout the day. Make sure you're sincere. Try to use specific rather than general terms for clarity.

Step 2

Plan some sensory activities during your day. The best, most engaging activities involve many different senses. Here's a list of ideas. I'm sure you can think of many more.

Sand Play, Water Play, Sand and Water Play, Swinging, Paint with Water Colors, Play with Sponges and Water (tip: put containers 1/2 filled with water on top of towels for less mess), Plant Seeds, Clay, Watering Plants, Smelling Spices, Spray Bottle with Water Outside, Playgrounds, Play Dough!

The more play dough, the better. Here's a great recipe if you want to make your own:

In a medium saucepan or electric skillet, combine the following:

2 Cups Water

2 Cups Flour

1 Cup Salt

4 Tbsp. Vegetable Oil

4 Tsp. Cream of Tartar

Food Color (optional)

Stir constantly over medium heat until the dough pulls from the sides of the pan and is the consistency of thick mashed potatoes. Turn it out onto a table and start playing with it as soon as it cools a bit. Store in an airtight container.

When they play with the dough, supervise them as much as you need to. Sit down with them at the beginning of their play. They may or may not need you to stay so close, but it's a great way to connect.

Remember to notice when they're helpful and call it out immediately. Like when someone picks up a piece of dough from the floor.

Always give a 5-minute warning when play needs to end to avoid meltdowns. Some children may need more guidance to transition. You could use a visual timer or give one-on-one directions.

The combination of noticing their best efforts and providing an engaging, soothing learning environment will improve their behavior, making an easier, less stressful day for you. Try it and let me know how it works!

*Bonus idea: Use a daily schedule that is flexible yet predictable to help your children understand that not every minute of the day will be their favorite, but that life is more tolerable when you have something to look forward to.

Want more science and experience-backed techniques aimed at understanding the Baby Brain and making everything easier for you? Early Childhood Rocks, a nonprofit, has many more simple and free ideas for you in our Baby Brain Tookit/Curriculum.

Get yours here and stay in the loop for lots more freebies by joining our community of parents, teachers, grandparents, nannies, and caregivers of all kinds.

Nanci J Bradley is a child and family educator, parent, author, family aerobics instructor, and all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, lifelong learning, healthy eating, fun, and more than anything else, PLAY! She studied early childhood education at Triton College and received her BS in education from Northern Illinois University in 1986. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2010. She lives and teaches in Madison, WI