setting boundaries without blame
Imagine if...
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Every human being learned to problem solve instead of looking for someone else to blame in tough situations.
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Every human being took the time to learn about individual people before lumping them into categories based on bias.
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Every human being used nonviolent communication and collaboration instead of bullying, shaming, and controlling others in order to get what they want.
it's inevitable!
sooner or later we find ourselves having to set a boundary for a young child. Children like to explore. they try things out, their behavior sometimes misses its mark and causes conflict of wills.
They might make unreasonable messes, grab thing they're not supposed to have, physically hurt us or others, or behave in ways that are unpleasant and/or hard to deal with. this is where we need to set some boundaries.
They best way to go about this is to avoid blame altogether and deal with feelings, actions, and/or consequences.
Since young children are just starting to understand their own feelings and the feelings of others it's important to start setting boundaries when necessary by using "I" messages.
"I" Messages
Use "I" messages. Let them know that you're a person, too. Here are some common examples.
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I'm cooking. I'll read that book when I'm done. You can cry if you want to, but it's not going to make me stop cooking. Notice I let the child know there was some hope for what he was asking for, just not now.
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I like that bowl. You can touch it gently, but leave it on the table. If you pick it up, I'll have to put it somewhere else because glass breaks.
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I see your mouth going down like this and your hands clenched. It looks like you might be angry. (pause) It's OK to frown but I'm still going to eat my soup before we leave for the playground.
Teach the ebb and the flow of life with scheduling. Sticking to a slightly flexible schedule helps children get through the times of the day that aren't their favorites while looking forward to the things they love.
There's a difference between rules and limits. Rules are decided by an adult and you only need a few.
Limits can be a little more flexible depending on the circumstances. They can change according to the child's developmental level.
words
Because the young child's brain works a little bit differently than the adult brain, we need to be careful of the words we choose when we want them to listen to us. This guide is here for you as a member of this community! Click to read.
ps i love you
problem-solving without blame is conflict resolution or non-violent communication
