Violence. Use These Words with Toddlers for Prevention

Sooner or later, all children will be exposed to violence in some way.

If we ignore the opportunity to intentionally teach non-violent yet assertive communication skills during the first few years of life, we miss the greatest imaginable potential for change. The opportunity to observe a problem and to work to solve it without hurting others in the process is a skill worth teaching. And problem-solving starts early on in life.

Hitting is normal behavior in very young children. But it won't run its course, and it could become automatic or a habit, especially if it works to get what they're after.

It's not just about being gentle with them when they hit or hurt but also about teaching what to do instead of hitting or hurting. Without that, you're toast. They're going to keep repeating whatever works and trying new stuff that might. Empathy is a skill that gets developed over time.

So here are some ideas that have worked for me over a 50-year career as a parent, pre-school teacher/director, Head Start teacher, early care and education provider in a mixed-age group, and kindergarten teacher.

Watch them carefully for the first signs of hitting or hurting. Stop them gently and firmly. Try saying "I don't let anyone hit me", or "I don't let anyone get hit"

Teach them to wait. Co-regulate. Try saying, " Sheldon, you can wait. I'll stay with you and help."

Practice waiting and use the words, "wait please", often. Make sure they know that they can't have everything immediately, but you are there to talk them through it or otherwise help them. Notice when they do actually wait and let them know you appreciate it.

If a child wants a toy and someone else is using it, we might help them by saying, "Penny's using that." You can:

• Ask for a turn

• Have me help you get a turn

• Choose another toy

• Or wait patiently for her to be done with it

If the children are struggling over a toy, try saying, "It looks like you're having a problem.", instead of, "Who had that first?" Blame can often escalate into violence while problem-solving diminishes it.

Every child needs at least one person who won't give up on them no matter how hard it is for them to self-regulate. Be that person.

Society makes it hard for parents and early childhood professionals to feel respected. We can change that by uniting and making our voices heard. We need to demand high-quality child care for all and generous parental leave because those most severely affected by the lack of it aren't yet able to speak. Click on the ASK box below to find out more.

Early childhood rocks is a non-profit org designed to help and support early childhood teachers and parents. We also promote a collaboration between the two.

Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, and all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY!  She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human dev from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI and is the founder of early childhood rocks, a non-profit org dedicated to creating change through early childhood education.