I've written a lot about whining over the years because, as an early childhood educator for the past 50 years, I've heard plenty of it.

I've tried many different responses, and some work better than others. Here are a few:

• My ears don't hear that tone of voice.

• Ask me again, without whining, and I'll answer you.

• We don't serve whine at Nanci's.

• What am I waiting for?

• I use sign language by pointing to my ear after explaining that it means you are whining, and it won't be addressed.

Giving in to whining to stop it faster backfires. Most people know that, but it's easy to do in frustration, no matter what we know.

I recently learned a phrase from a colleague that opens doors to communication in a new way.

When a child shows unexpected disappointment, instead of feeling guilty or underappreciated, simply ask them this:

What were you hoping for?

Then watch how the mood shifts. Even though it's not always possible to rearrange things to make their hopes come true, at least they feel heard.

Sometimes their wish is so simple that we can set it in motion or arrange something for later. Sometimes their wish requires advanced planning, and we can talk them through what it takes to set up an obstacle course, fly a plane, or become an acrobat.

Want more phrases that work?

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Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, SELF-care facilitator, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! She studied early childhood education at Triton College and received her BS in education from NIU in 1986. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI.