Cringe-Worthy Moments solved for Toddler Moms

Ever hear a comment come out of the mouth of a young child that seems incredibly rude and uncaring, yet they say it with complete innocence and candor?

Awkward!!

And then you're left to deal with the aftermath. What can you say to make this situation better? How can you respond gracefully? Should you correct or reprimand the child? Should you apologize? Examples I've heard come out of the mouths of babes:

• Wow! Missy's Mom has a big butt!

• Kids can't have 2 Dads!

• Is George's Mom a boy or a girl?

• Why are you in a wheelchair?

• Why are you Black?

• Why is his skin ugly?

The answer to this challenge lies in your core beliefs about inclusion. It may force you to examine your attitudes about differences to come up with an appropriate response.

Though the child's choice of words puts you in a difficult situation, it's your response that matters. Chances are, the child is just curious and doesn't mean any harm. So what do you say? Here are some things that might not help:

• I'm so sorry.

• Excuse me.

• He's only 3!

• That's none of your business, let's go! (to the child, ignoring the person with the difference)

When it happened to me as the Mom of a curious 3-year-old, I froze. Luckily, the man in the wheelchair smiled and said to my son, "Well, my legs don't work the same as yours do, so I use this cool chair on wheels to help me get around." This man's patience and honesty saved me.

That was 28 years ago.

Recently, I got the chance to participate in an anti-bias book club with other Head Start board members. After reading all seven books on the list and discussing them with colleagues, I'd be honored to share with you the highlights of what I learned.

Anti-bias experiences in early childhood are those that support respecting and embracing differences and acting against bias and unfairness. Anti-bias teaching requires critical thinking and problem solving by both children and adults.

Here's an idea that came from the YWCA Anti-Bias Curriculum for the Preschool Classroom guide and was adapted by me. I like to have answers to tough questions decided ahead and rehearsed sometimes.

Let's focus on the good in people and also talk about what makes them the same or different from us. We might say this:

Missy's mom might be a different size than you're used to. Good people come in all different shapes and sizes. If the situation feels right, I suggest adding something like, "Missy's Mom spends a lot of time volunteering at the neighborhood community center where we play sometimes, remember?

This can be successfully adapted to many different situations.

• Good people can dress in many different ways.

  
  

• Good people have all different kinds of abilities.

  
  

• Good families can look different than your family and enjoy many of the same things.

  
  

• Good people come from many different places and cultures and they don't always look, talk or smell the same way as you do.

  
  

• Grandma skin looks different than baby skin doesn't it? I wouldn't call it ugly, just different.

When you choose words like these, you're helping children learn to accept human beings for who they are instead of how they look. This is at the core of an anti-bias attitude of acceptance and inclusion.

I hope you enjoyed this article, free of outside ads and flashy distractions. At Early Childhood Rocks, a nonprofit organization, we support parents, teachers, and administrators in being their best selves and providing the best care for children during the first few years of their lives.

Since better communication makes everything less frustrating and more fun, we developed a short presentation featuring 20 important Baby Signs that's easy to use and always at your fingertips. You can get yours here with a small donation to our organization. Your donations help us to spread the word about the importance of early care and education and the importance of the people who provide that care and education.

Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI.

references

Derman-Sparks, Louise. Anti-Bias Curriculum: Tools for Empowering Young Children. National Association for the Education of Young Children, 2001.

Derman-Sparks, Louise, et al. Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves. National Association for the Education of Young Children, 2020.

Hammond, Zaretta, and Yvette Jackson. Culturally Responsive Teaching and the Brain: Promoting Authentic Engagement and Rigor among Culturally and Linguistically Diverse Students. Corwin, a SAGE Company, 2015.

Iruka, Iheoma U., et al. Don't Look Away Embracing Anti-Bias Classrooms. Gryphon House, 2021.

Anti-Bias Curriculum for the Preschool Classroom. Redleaf Press, 2021.