To Create Empathy In Toddlers, Use This One Magic Word!
- Nanci Bradley
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
COVES
Caring
Observing
Vigilance
Expectations
Scaffolding
There is a lack of empathy in the world. But why? Lots of people have opinions. What's yours?
One thing I often hear is that people no longer teach their kids right from wrong. Does that mean they're too soft on their kids, that they don't punish them enough?
Or does it mean that they neglect to teach them right from wrong by ignoring them and letting them figure it out for themselves?
Research says both are true. Harsh punishment and neglect both tend to produce children with little empathy or moral compass. But not all children who are abused or neglected lack empathy. The trick is to build resilience.
When we take the time and energy to build resilience and create empathy in toddlers, it pays us back exponentially. It's like investing in a stock more precious than gold. Here's a great place to start.
C is for Caring
Here are some concrete, research-backed, ways to show you care.
1)
This is how babies and very young children learn empathetic communication skills. A word, a gesture, or a look is served by one party and it's returned by the other.
Adults are expected to take turns talking,, although it doesn't always happen like that. Through serve and return, babies learn that communication is worth the effort and they learn what sparks interest in others. View this short video from Harvard that explains how.
2)
Laptime is Interactional reading with young children. It's time spent reading or talking about emotions. It's time spent together, looking at books or magazines, reading and speculating how characters, ourselves, or others in the world might feel. Click here to learn more about laptime.
3)
Teach appropriate physical behavior, don't expect it to be innate. Demonstrate gentle touches and use the words. This is how we treat our friends' bodies. Well-supervised time with pets can be beneficial in this regard.
4)
Feelings. First, teach them words for their own feelings. Then, start talking about your feelings, and later, the feelings of others. Let them know in no uncertain terms what kinds of physical touches you like and which ones you don't.
5)
Words. Your intentions are the most important factor, but the actual words you choose to use can have a significant impact on teaching empathy to young children. Their brains work differently from ours. When you join our free community, if you haven't already, you'll get our eBook called Magic Words: Get Kids to Listen and Like It. The presentation features 22 phrases that work with young children to help them solve everyday problems.
6)
Listen to them without judgment or blame. Just listen and wait. Active listening is key to non-violent communication.
7)
Point out the good in them and in others. Good people come in all different sizes, shapes, colors, genders, abilities, and cultures. There is no place for blame in non-violent communication.
8)
Punishment doesn't create empathy. When a child hurts another, it's a teachable moment. Consequences may be involved, but they aren't the crucial part of the process that teaches the child how to handle the situation the next time it arises.
So what is?
What's the right thing to say in the moment when a young child hurts another? If you tend to forget when under stress, don't worry.
If the children are fighting over a toy, you may want to start by saying this:
She/He/They're using that!
It's short, to the point, and gives you the exact words to use when an incident occurs.
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Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY! She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI.