Promote Impulse Control In Toddlers/18 Phrases That Work!

A quick internet search tells us that impulse control doesn't begin until age 3-4, but continues to develop throughout the lifespan. This may suggest to some that because toddlers can't control their impulses consistently, we should wait and teach them that skill when they are older and ready to learn.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Diving a little bit deeper into the impulse control issue, which seems to be a big problem for both children and adults, I noticed that the the terminology used most often for infants and toddlers is self-regulation or co-regulation. I'd like to share a quote from the National Association For The Education Of Young Children (NAEYC) about developing impulse control, self-regulation or co-regulation in infants and toddlers.

In the beginning, very young children’s capacity for self-regulation is limited, and they are very dependent on their teachers for co-regulation. For those working with infants and toddlers, warm and responsive interactions are truly foundational for the development of self-regulation—The teachers’ prompt and caring interactions support each baby’s ability to begin to self-regulate and manage the tasks of waiting, self-soothing, and transitioning between activities. -LINDA GROVES GILLESPIE

As parents and caregivers, we constantly help infants and toddlers to control their impulses. At first we help physically by comforting, holding, rocking, singing, waiting, and talking gently. Later we may help them learn not to do certain things like grab the glasses off of our faces or bite when angry.

In some ways young infants can seem like little bundles of impulses. That's because they literally are. Our job is to guide them through the developmental stages they need to achieve good impulse control.

It's not an easy job, but a very important one. Here are some ideas, from seasoned childcare providers, of things to try and words to use to encourage children to develop impulse control during their first few years of life. Waiting until age 3.5 to impress these ideas is too late.

A few activities won't do the trick, but they will help when combined with regular everyday opportunities to practice self-control. And lots of repetition. Here are a few to try.

• Freeze Dance (without losers, just dance and stop)

• Simon Says (no losers)

• Red Light Green Light ( in English and Spanish)

• Countdown from 10 to start any activity

• Read short books

• Use a visual timer

• Use songs for rituals and transitions

• Use this fun song by Jim Gill that even the youngest can participate

Here's a collection of examples of the exact words to use to promote co-regulation, self-regulation, and impulse control in toddlers.

• I need those glasses to see. I'm going to keep them on my face.

  
  

• I'm going to make some lunch. You can come into the kitchen, sit in your chair, and talk with me, or you can play on the floor, here, where I can see you. (Talk through the process of fixing lunch can help them wait.)

• I'm going to take you for a walk to change the scenery for a while.

  
  

• I'm going to help you learn to fall asleep on your own.

  
  

• I see there's a problem with the toy. You both want it. I'm going to hold it while we figure out how to take turns with it.

  

• Is there a problem? (As you move toward the children. Proximity matters.)

  
  

• Your bottle will be ready in 3 minutes. Listen for the timer.

• I'll change your diaper right now or in 2 minutes. Which one is better for you? (Set timer if chosen. Follow through.)

  
  

• After we get all the Duplos put away, we'll get ready to go to the playground.

  
  

• She's using that ball. You can find another one from the ball bin or you can wait. (Repeat as necessary without too much emotion.)

• Stop. I won't let you bite him. It will hurt him. Here's something you can bite.

  
  

• I'll hold your hand until I'm sure you'll be safe.

  
  

• I decided.... (When safety is an issue, adults make the decision. Input is allowed and considered, but adults decide.)

• Let's sit on the rocker together until you start to get calm. Then we can talk.

  
  

• Breathe with me. (Or just take a deep breath yourself and watch what happens)

• Be a S.T.A.R.

Smile

Take A Breath

And

Relax

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  Talk about feelings while reading any story. How do you think Raj felt when Penny took his favorite toy? What could he do? Talk through it.

  
  

• Talk about plans during meals. Review what you did during the next meal or snack. This helps develop a planning disposition.

  
  

About halfway through my early care and education journey, I realized I needed more information about guidance. Then I found this guide by Jeanette Galambos-Stone and I've read it hundreds of times. You can still buy the guide on Amazon but I discovered a free copy that you can access online by clicking on the picture of the guide and following the link. Choose "borrow" from the dropdown menu. Enjoy

Need help with hitting or biting? A small donation to our nonprofit will get you some great gifts!

Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY!  She studied early childhood education at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in

2010. She's presented at national and state early childhood conferences. She lives and teaches in Madison WI.

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