No More Whining! 1 Simple Way To Encourage Positive Communication and Problem-Solving Instead

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Nobody likes whining!

Not even babies! Occasionally, I see a young child cover their ears when another child cries. Sometimes they call another child a crybaby. That's when I say this:

Babies cry a lot. That's because they can't talk. That's the only way they know how to communicate with us. As we get older, we cry less and less . We learn to talk and communicate in other ways, but we all cry sometimes, even adults do.

Saying it like this usually helps because it makes perfect sense.

Here are two things I've learned about whining over the past five decades as an infant, toddler, Head Start, and preschool teacher.

one

Tone of Voice

When you notice whining, try saying this calmly,

I call that tone of voice whining. I understand you have a problem but when you complain about it, it just...... makes......me.....go....slower!

Demonstrate just how slow you can go.

Of course, this won't work if it's really urgent, only when the child is trying to get you to believe it is.

As adults, we need to model the tone of voice we wish to hear from children. That's because young children rely on their mirror neurons to learn about the world.

That doesn't mean faking a sweet, sappy voice when we're not happy with what they're doing. The tone we use should reflect our feelings without being overly dramatic. It's possible to be annoyed at something someone does without blaming them for the larger problem.

Once we're sure we're modelling a reasonable tone of voice, we can expect them to do the same.

Note: practice a regular and a whiny voice at a time when there isn't a problem. Then It makes more sense to the child.

It's also important that they learn what to do, not just what not to do. Try calling attention to positive assertiveness like this:

Thanks for asking nicely, Raj!

That's a nice clear way to say it, Emily.

I like that tone of voice, Howie.

Sheldon asked you nicely for a turn, Penny. Tell him when he can have one, please.

Here are a few more phrases that have helped me over the years.

• You may be feeling unhappy because your face is going down, like this. Am I right?

• I don't answer to that whining tone of voice. Try again in a few minutes. (set timer)

• That's not working for me. Try it like this "Will you help me get some water?".

• You have a choice, you can wear your green top or your pink top but you still have to go to school today.

• Sometimes parents decide.

• My ears don't hear that tone.

• I understand that you don't want to stop playing, but we still have to catch that bus.

• You can play with this more before dinner. I know you love your building blocks.

• Later. Before dinner. I'm not going to change my mind because the bus won't wait.

  
  

It took me years to incorporate the above language into my practice. I'm condensing what I've learned because I think you deserve to have these ideas now.

Could you use more of the exact words to say about common childhood issues like cleaning up, tattling, or hitting?

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Early Childhood Rocks is a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the world through early childhood education.

Nanci J Bradley is an early childhood and family educator, author, teacher, family aerobics instructor, and an all-around fun-loving person. She believes in the power of sleep, healthy eating, lifelong learning, and most of all, PLAY!  (click on the word) She studied early childhood ed at Triton College and received her BS in education in 1986 from NIU. She received her MA in human development from Pacific Oaks College in 2011. She lives and teaches in Madison WI.